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Archive for December, 2012

I will be lonely this Christmas… NOT!

Where’s the P in all this, you may wonder?

In Pamela Anderson, that’s where.  If you’ve watched Borat you’ll understand.  If not, I can’t explain, that would spoil the movie. 🙂  But trust me, that’s where the P comes from.

I hate having to go alone!

Image from Sevensheaven.nl

Image from Sevensheaven.nl

That’s what a friend of mine said this weekend.  She hates Christmas because she has to drive alone, two hours, to her daughter to spend Christmas with her, the hubby and the cute little kids.  “I just hate being there alone too.”

Gee, how can you set yourself up for something like that?  By focusing on it, I think.  By focusing on what you don’t have.  A partner.  A lover.  A partner is not necessarily always a lover (god, don’t I know it!).  So people like my friend hate December because they focus on the fact that they’re alone, whereas they’re not really.  My sister’s the same.  Plenty of things to do and company to be with, but hates this time of year.  Both these women would prefer to have a steady, loving partner, which is what makes them hate the whole thing.  Is it just my imagination or are they wallowing in self-pity?

What you focus on, expands

I love being alone

But not all the time.  I like people too, just not as often as my sister and my friend.  I feel I am lucky in that.  I can happily potter around on my own for five days and then I may start to long for human company (I always have animal company, so I am never alone in that sense.  However, I’m well aware of the fact that they – nor my great love for nature – can sustain me when it comes to having a fulfilling, stimulating life).

It’s my Xmas and I rejoice if I want to

Alone if I want to

Feelin’ Good

I don’t make a fuss of not having company this time of year.  I could have had, twice over.  Some months ago my sister said this: “I’ll come and stay with you if you want me to.  I’ve been going to Paul for eight years for his Christmas Eve dinner with friends, but I’ll come to you if you want.”

Chris’almighty!  How’s that for an unsolicited sacrifice?  I passed.  I hate it with a passion if people do things for me because they take pity on me.

The Christmas company fallacy

Having company doesn’t mean you don’t feel lonely or downright awful.

What are you doing this Christmas?

People ask, don’t they?  They ask you whether you’re single or have a family, I suppose.  But if you are single and hate it as well as the time of year, that sure is one shitty question to be asked, I understand that.

The last few years, while I was stubbornly single, my standard answer has been (at my most matter-of-fact best): I’ll be cooking a chutney.  Ain’t even lying.   I like cooking a few chutneys this time of year because it’s a good time for gifting them and I have enough for many months to come.  I’m no loner, but I’m also not one for imposed tradition.  I shared supper with friends last week and in a few weeks’ time I’ll be hosting a dinner party.  When I want to.

There’s always the net

These days, net-literate people never, ever have to be lonely.  There are always like-minded people who spend hours on the net those days because almost everyone else is busy with (mandatory) Xmas do’s.  Chat, play a game, always something interactive to do.  If all else fails, one could always write a blog post. 🙂

Help others get what you want

To those who really can’t face the ‘aloneness’ around Xmas time, I’d suggest they spend time with someone who is also lonely.   Perhaps as a volunteer.  There are so many elderly and/or handicapped people out there who would welcome company.

It’s not even his real birthday

For what it’s worth, Christmas is celebrated on December 25/26 because it used to be the date of the pagans’ winter celebrations to spruce up the darkness.  As new religions traditionally steal/stole dates for celebrations from old religions or philosophies, that is why those dates were chosen to celebrate J.C.’s birthday (a.k.a. indoctrination/manipulation).

Celebrate the light!

If you’re in the northern hemisphere, each day is now getting a little more daylight all the way up to 21st June.  If you’re in the southern hemisphere, heck, your days are long already.  Reasons enough to celebrate.  Take care, be good, have fun.

Christmas light

Poetry ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay ~              

Savage Beauty

poetess Millay

About poetry I can be very brief, and atypically, I will be in this post.

I know very little about it and it will likely be that way for the rest of my life.  However, I was once completely smitten by the memory of Edna St. Vincent Millay.  In 1996, on the Microsoft Bookshelf CD with quotations, she grabbed my attention with a poem that was quoted in a few movies (such as A river runs through it).

First Fig

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—
It gives a lovely light!

It was apparently short enough to make me read it, I’d burned the candle at both ends myself many times, and when someone told me she was known as a cheeky poetess, I wanted to know more.


So my journey began.  I read a lot of her poetry, first online and later in books.  Especially the biography Savage Beauty cast a spell on me.  I was in love, in lust, with a long deceased person.  I visited Camden, Maine, Poughkeepsie, New York, and last, Steepletop (her farm) in New York and that’s where the spell was broken.  Poof! in one go, she released me.  She apparently had this effect on both men and women when she was alive, and undoubtedly let them go at the drop of a hat also.  The biographer did a really good job!


Sometimes, oh, often, indeed, in the midst of ugly adversity, beautiful
Memories return.
You awake in wonder, you awake at half-past four,
Wondering what wonder is in store.
You reach for your clothes in the dark and pull them on, you
have no time
Even to wash your face, you have to climb Megunticook.

You run through the sleeping town; you do not arouse
Even a dog, you are so young and so light on your feet.
What a way to live, what a way…
No breakfast, not even hungry. An apple, though,
In the pocket.
And the only people you meet are store-windows.

The path up the mountain is stony and in places steep,
And here it is really dark — wonderful, wonderful,
Wonderful — the smell of bark
And rotten leaves and dew! And nobody awake
In all the world but you! —
Who lie on a high cliff until your elbow ache,
To see the sun come up over Penobscot Bay.

Only two

There are only two poets that have wooed me.  Millay is one and Whitman is the other (click on the first image of the Camino plaque – Song of the Open Road).


Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Pleasurable Prince

train - trein

♫ ♪ ♪ ♫ ♫ ♪

On a train in The Netherlands…

End of 1996, armed with a new Sony Discman and the triple album Emancipation by Prince I was travelling by train to … I don’t remember!

But I do remember the album, still my favourite by him.

Jam of the year… not

Prince Emancipation

The Symbol

It’s just one of the many great songs, but I did not quite have the jam of the year then.  It was my first Xmas and New Year without my son who was with his father.  Daddy’s turn for Xmas.  It was also the year of the divorce.  How could something you wanted for so long hurt so bad?  Prince licked my wounds.

Jam of the year (not great quality – Prince’s people regularly remove good stuff from youtube)

Sex in the summer

Another super, vibey song on this album.  Some of them are great sing-alongs and this sure is one of them.  The following year, my son and his friends giggled every time I played it.  They were almost 10.   I think I was cool about these things and preferred to let him watch sexy movies to war rolling eyesmovies!  Funnily enough, when he was 21 he said my attitude had had repercussions.

I never asked why because he’d always been a very private person.  Afterwards I wished I’d said that all 21-year olds are oversexed, because I had a feeling that his girlfriend accused him of being it.

Soul Sanctuary

My favourite track on this album.  The entire album was my soul sanctuary then and I will always have fond memories of my discovery of it and how it lightened my load.

Contemporary (not a track)

Prince is it, my contemporary.  He does look a lot younger than me, I think, ha ha!


Patterns in the snow

Lo and behold, it was snowing in the Netherlands!

Dry snow, that is.  Had about 3 inches here in the south-east of Friesland.  Boy, did I ever feel at home.

Winter trees in snow

Wintry stillness

So did my dog Pantouf, who was born and raised in the province of Quebec, Canada.  She was still a pup – you know, a real pup, not the kind that is referred to by their doting owners when the dog is already 10 😉 – when she started hunting mice simply because there was a blanket of snow hiding them.  I suspect that she hears them even better, or her instincts are more alert when there is snow (for instance, because coyotes would get hungry during winter and they’d have to hunt more diligently, I dunno, just guessing).

Fat mice hunting

Fat mice hunting

I was just going to post some pictures here with snow patterns, ha ha!  What can I say, I’m a chatterbox.  I’ve been quiet lately, not blogging at all, just because it claims so much of my time.  When I do something, I do it right.  Makes me think immediately of a Joan Armatrading song.  Help Yourself.

That said, I can also be an immense slacker.  Those are the opposites in me – there are many – a perfectionist on the one end and a slacker on the other.  That is one of the reasons why I have been consciously single for a couple of years.  I am hell to share a roof with and I’d feel the same about anyone who’d share it with me!  So I share it with my pets.  Just this morning I was thinking of how wonderful it is to have long-lasting harmony in my home!

Okay, without venturing onto the tangent any further, here then are my snowy pictures with patterns:

As I stepped out of my front door...

As I stepped out of my front door…

Bricks are hiding here...

Bricks are hiding here…

Almost Christmas

Almost Christmas

Not the leaves, but snow is clinging to the trees

Not the leaves, but snow is clinging to the trees



Spot the pattern... :)

Spot the pattern… 🙂

Home again, I noticed this almost Mondriaan painting on my patio

Home again, I noticed this almost Mondriaan painting on my patio

Sunday 9 December

After just one rainy day, most of the snow has washed away

I don’t mind, we had our fun, glad the snow is on the run

Pavements were slippery and roads were icy

To drive or walk was just too dicey!

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